SSgt Fitbit’s mission was to gently prod me into better condition. She would track my pulse and count my steps, and relay this information to my phone and computer. She was very smart.
Initially she got me to walk 10,000 steps a day. This was easy. Although the science for walking 10,000 steps is nil. The magic number “10,000” dates back to a marketing campaign conducted shortly before the start of the 1964 Tokyo Olympic Games. A company began selling a pedometer called the Manpo-kei: “man” meaning 10,000, “po” meaning steps and “kei” meaning meter. It was hugely successful and the number seems to have stuck. It has as much scientific validity as "an apple a day keeps the Doctor away."
Still, it was truly meet and right and salutary. I would happily and leisurely walk my steps.
Then SSgt Fitbit started cracking down. She started making me track active minutes. That was ok. The magic watch on my wrist did its thing and put it on the phone.
But then, as so often happens, she became pushy and
demanding. She started requiring me to perform active zone minutes. You have to push your pulse up to at least 93 beats
per minutes and then push it up to 113 beats per minute for double zone minutes. And she really wants me to go at 127 beats per minute. No more leisurely pleasure walks - now I am stepping out like a crazed madman sweating in the Florida sun where no one goes except Mad Dogs and Englishmen.
She reminds me of Sgt Daniels, an excellent but demanding young Marine NCO. Sgt Daniels was leading a run of our Marine unit. One Marine stumbled and started to fall out. Sgt Daniels was having none of it. She shouted and yelled and made him complete the run. After that he went to sickbay where they found he had broken his leg.
SSgt Fitibt has taken to exhorting me to go faster in many different languages. It is all telepathic - she is in my head! I know some of the words - Korean - Nakaja, Hebingday! Balyway, Hwang!, and Russian поторапливаться!, but the rest of her exhortations are in a variety of unknown languages. But I understand - move faster and faster.
I could take her off my wrist, or quit charging her, or throw her in the lake. But she has taken over my mind and body!! Invasion of the Body Snatchers!
And she mocks me, laughing and goading me. Oh, the Humanity! Where will it all end?
Initially she got me to walk 10,000 steps a day. This was easy. Although the science for walking 10,000 steps is nil. The magic number “10,000” dates back to a marketing campaign conducted shortly before the start of the 1964 Tokyo Olympic Games. A company began selling a pedometer called the Manpo-kei: “man” meaning 10,000, “po” meaning steps and “kei” meaning meter. It was hugely successful and the number seems to have stuck. It has as much scientific validity as "an apple a day keeps the Doctor away."
Still, it was truly meet and right and salutary. I would happily and leisurely walk my steps.
Then SSgt Fitbit started cracking down. She started making me track active minutes. That was ok. The magic watch on my wrist did its thing and put it on the phone.
But then, as so often happens, she became pushy and
demanding. She started requiring me to perform active zone minutes. You have to push your pulse up to at least 93 beats
per minutes and then push it up to 113 beats per minute for double zone minutes. And she really wants me to go at 127 beats per minute. No more leisurely pleasure walks - now I am stepping out like a crazed madman sweating in the Florida sun where no one goes except Mad Dogs and Englishmen.
She reminds me of Sgt Daniels, an excellent but demanding young Marine NCO. Sgt Daniels was leading a run of our Marine unit. One Marine stumbled and started to fall out. Sgt Daniels was having none of it. She shouted and yelled and made him complete the run. After that he went to sickbay where they found he had broken his leg.
SSgt Fitibt has taken to exhorting me to go faster in many different languages. It is all telepathic - she is in my head! I know some of the words - Korean - Nakaja, Hebingday! Balyway, Hwang!, and Russian поторапливаться!, but the rest of her exhortations are in a variety of unknown languages. But I understand - move faster and faster.
I could take her off my wrist, or quit charging her, or throw her in the lake. But she has taken over my mind and body!! Invasion of the Body Snatchers!
And she mocks me, laughing and goading me. Oh, the Humanity! Where will it all end?
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